


Lord Of The Roadtrip

by Acernusaurus



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Nonfiction, Roadtrip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-06-30 10:42:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19851490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acernusaurus/pseuds/Acernusaurus
Summary: An attempt to map the adventure of the Lord of the Rings trilogy onto the continental United States.





	Lord Of The Roadtrip

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer #1: I am not responsible for anything that happens to you should you choose to take this trip. Any Balrogs you encounter or Urk-Hai you face are entirely your problem. Additionally, I have not actually visited these locations, I advise you to do some research on your own before actually visiting. Also don’t be a dick to locals.
> 
> Disclaimer #2: This country cannot fit the LOTR narrative without including Native American historical sites. But there is a fine line to walk when using them to mirror a British fantasy adventure. I don’t really have the words for this situation but I ask anyone who thinks a location is disrespectful to let me know and anyone who may attempt this trip to be respectful of the folks this country belongs to (see: don’t be a dick).
> 
> Disclaimer #3: The climate/country was mildly more stable when I began this project.
> 
> Special Thanks for this go to [crystallinecrow](http://crystallinecrow.tumblr.com), [greetingsanddefiance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greetingsanddefiance/), [independence1776](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Independence1776/), [knitmeapony](https://archiveofourown.org/users/knitmeapony/), [littleskywatcher](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleskywatcher/), riddlerose, [themerrygentleman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/themerrygentleman/), and [songof](http://songofsunset.tumblr.com/)[sunset](https://archiveofourown.org/users/songofsunset/) who all gave me fantastic suggestions. They are rad and I need to apologize to them for misusing the word “soon”. Also thanks to [roadsideamerica.com](http://roadsideamerica.com) and [world-of-waterfalls.com](http://world-of-waterfalls.com). They are great resources, check ‘em out.

Anyway, Hello Friends! Let me present one of many road trips that I will probably never take: A Lord of the Rings road trip around the continental United States. Following the adventure of the Fellowship, this was an effort to match the landscape of the books using the most direct route around this here nation. That being said, this is probably just the first iteration of this idea because there are so many ways you can approach this. I 100% endorse you telling me how wrong I am (but please be nice about it).

This roadtrip is great because you can integrate picking people up and dropping them off along the way into your story. And you can choose which path of the Fellowship you would like to follow. Just be courteous about it (See: don’t be a dick).

**Start/Shire**

Frodo starts things off with his birthday so maybe throw a party in your own home. Then head off to Woodstock, Vermont to find The Shire. 

  * The Shire at Woodstock, VT - <https://shirewoodstock.com/>



Driving Time: Variable

If you are not the heir to the Baggins fortune than finding a nearby camping site is perfectly acceptable for this and any other location.

**The Old Forest**

After you make it out of the Shire safely, venture into the Old Forest in New Hampshire's White Mountains. Avoid any willows you might see and if you find Tom, tell him I say hi. 

  * White Mountains National Forest, NH - <https://www.fs.usda.gov/whitemountain/>



Driving Time: 2 hours over 101 miles

**Bree**

Bree is a pretty flexible option. You can stop at the Amherst Inn in Amherst, MA. Or, if your heart is set on the Prancing Pony, Google says that there is a Glass Studio in Pottstown, PA, a [restaurant](http://www.parenfaire.com/faire.html#menu) at the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire in Lancaster, or [Prancing Pony Pottery](https://www.prancingponypottery.com/) in Richardsville, VA. Google also says that there is an Inn in New York but the street view looks like a normal, maybe creepy, house. Don’t go there. 

  * Amherst Inn in Amherst, MA - <https://www.booking.com/hotel/us/amherst-inn-amherst.html>



Driving Time: 4 hours over 200 miles

**Weathertop**

Weathertop starts the adventure in ernest so make your way to the Cahokia Historical Site for what was likely the [biggest city in North America](https://cahokiamounds.org/about/). Pack a BLT, be respectful of the location, donate if you can, and don't get stabbed. 

  * Cahokia Mounds Historical Site in Collinsville, IL - <https://cahokiamounds.org/visit/>



Driving Time: 17 hours over 1116 miles

**Rivendell**

If you do get stabbed, go to a hospital but if you don't than make your way up to Door County, Wisconsin to collect the rest of the Fellowship in Rivendell. 

  * Door County, WI - <https://www.doorcounty.com/>



Driving Time: 8 hours over 516 miles

**Caradhras**

Please don't seriously try to climb across the Rockies unless you know what you are doing but do visit Trail Ridge Road in Rocky Mountain National Park. Research suggests that that will be your best chance of seeing some snow no matter the time of year (global warming permitting). 

  * Trail Ridge Road in Rocky Mountain National Park, CO - <https://rockymountainnationalpark.com/trails-maps/trail-ridge-road>



Driving Time: 19 hours over 1241 miles

**Moria**

Speak friend and enter the Phoenix Gold Mine in Idaho Springs, CO. You may even run into some of the mine's ghosts. 

  * Phoenix Gold Mine in Idaho Springs, CO - <https://www.phoenixgoldmine.com/>



Driving Time: 2.5 hours over 90 miles

**Lothlorien**

Even though your Gandalf is (hopefully) fine you can still sing for them among the California Redwoods. I am sure they would appreciate it. 

  * Redwood National Park, CA - <https://www.nps.gov/redw/index.htm>



Driving Time: 22 hours over 1368 miles

**Falls of Rauros**

There are a number of falls to choose from in Yosemite National Park. Say goodbye to your fellowship and, once again, don't get stabbed. 

  * Verna Falls/Nevada Fall, Chilnualna Falls, and/or Yosemite Falls in Yosemite, CA - <https://www.world-of-waterfalls.com/yosemite-waterfalls-guide/>



Driving Time: 9 hours over 495 miles

Thus ends the unified section of this trip with an overall driving time of 81 hours covering 5101 miles. - [Google Route](https://goo.gl/maps/wHAR2zDcJh9azHUf8)

**Fangorn**

We will leave Frodo and Sam for now to go with the others into California's White Mountains to meet the oldest trees in the country/world. 

  * White Mountains, CA - <https://www.fs.usda.gov/recarea/inyo/recreation/recarea/?recid=20264>



Driving Time: 3 hours over 130 miles

**Rohan**

While the hobbits hang out with Treebeard, Aragorn and Co. have to get some allies. There are a number of Ranches in the area if you want some Rohirric hospitality ([Sylvan Dale](https://www.sylvandale.com/) has a very appropriate name). But it might be more cost effective to find some wild horses like the ones on the Virginia Range Sanctuary. 

  * Virginia Range, NV - <https://returntofreedom.org/>



Driving Time: 5 hours over 250 miles

**Helms Deep**

Muster the Rohirim in Mesa Verde. You won't need to hold the deep but maybe get a guided tour at Ute Mountain Tribal Park and support some of the local businesses. 

  * Mesa Verde in Mancos, CO - <https://www.nps.gov/meve/index.htm>



Driving Time: 14 hours over 870 miles

**Isengard**

There are many towers in Vegas that could be Orthanc but Isengard can also represent the hubris of Wizards so check out the Atomic Museum to compare it to the hubris of Man. 

  * Atomic Museum in Las Vegas, NV - <https://nationalatomictestingmuseum.org/>



Driving Time: 5 hours over 266 miles for the hobbits, 9 hours over 523 miles from Helms Deep

**Harrowdale/Dunharrow**

Pippin and Gandalf are off to Minas Tirith but everyone else takes a stop at Dunharrow. It's hard to hunt for an American equivalent but Stonehenge II is worth a try. 

  * Stonehenge II in Ingram, TX - <https://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/7819>



Driving Time: 18 hours over 1211 miles

**Path of the dead**

You might find more than the Ghost King in the Devil’s Backbone. Hopefully you don’t actually convince anything to leave with you. 

  * Devil’s Backbone, TX - <https://texashillcountry.com/devils-backbone-haunted-texas/>



Driving Time: 2 hours over 91 miles

**Pelargir**

You won't need that army of ghosts to make it through St. Louis. But don't stay for too long because they are waiting for you up the Missouri River. 

  * St. Louis, MS



Driving Time: 14 hours over 871 miles

**Minas Tirith**

I will admit that I have little to support Kansas City as Minas Tirith. But the symmetry of two cities bordering a river like Minas Tirith and Osgiliath just works for me. 

  * Kansas City, KS/MS (The Kansas side is Osgiliath)



Driving Time: 20 hours over 1355 miles for Pippin and Gandalf, 12 hours over 802 miles for Merry, and 4 hours over 248 miles for the King's return

Pippin’s travel time is 25 hours over 1619 miles. - [Google Route](https://goo.gl/maps/6TqPVJmSsx26XhYr7)

Aragorn and Co. travel 3997 miles with 64 hours of driving. - [Google Route](https://goo.gl/maps/oBxHhS41tzXB1gTE7)

Merry clocks in at 34 hours while driving 2279 miles. - [Google Route](https://goo.gl/maps/NoPsvcBLo1GiCqxr9)

**Dead Marshes**

Now that everyone else has reunited in Minas Tirith we can return to bearing the ring through the not-so-dead marshes of Humboldt State Wildlife Management Area. 

  * Humboldt Wildlife Management Area in Churchill, NV - <https://www.stateparks.com/humboldt_state_wildlife_management_area_in_nevada.html>



Driving Time: 4 hours over 211 miles

**Ithilien**

The Ring Bearer could use a rest so spend some time enjoying the local cuisine and visiting the historical site in Nez Perce National Forest. 

  * Nez Perce National Forest, Idaho - <https://www.nps.gov/nepe/index.htm>



Driving Time: 9 hours over 499 miles

**Shelob**

Spiders aren't the only thing you can come across on the Enchanted Highway. If you need it there is an Enchanted Castle to sleep off the venom. 

  * Enchanted Highway in Regent, ND - <https://www.ndtourism.com/regent/attractions/enchanted-highway>



Driving Time: 16 hours over 892 miles

**Mordor**

The Badlands do most of the explaining for themself. But it is actually necessary to walk into Mordor. 

  * Badlands National Park, SD - <https://www.nps.gov/badl/index.htm>



Driving Time: 3.5 hours over 228 miles

**Mt. Doom**

Please do not actually drop any curse jewelry at the Yellowstone volcano. An eruption would be bad for my asthma. 

  * Yellowstone National Park, WY - <https://www.nps.gov/yell/index.htm>



Driving Time: 9 hours over 542 miles for the ring bearer, 17 hours over 1112 miles for Gondor's last stand

With the ring destroyed gather your friends, retrieve Merry, and go celebrate your victory at the nearest Cheesecake Factory in Salt Lake City. 

  * The Cheesecake Factory in Salt Lake City, UT - <https://locations.thecheesecakefactory.com/ut/salt-lake-city/>



Driving Time: 6 hours over 369 miles for everyone but Merry who has 16.5 hours over 1099 miles

Frodo and Sam go for 2562 miles in 43 hours of driving. - [Google Route](https://goo.gl/maps/kfyetPWHE9VHvJMn6)

Everyone else besides Merry makes a trip of 1458 miles in 23 hours of driving. - [Google Route](https://goo.gl/maps/wn8gtADs6Y42LyHv5)

Merry reunites with the gang at the restaurant in 16.5 driving hours and ~1100 miles. - [Google Route](https://goo.gl/maps/WzBCN4cDob13bBxP9)

  
\--------------------

The following section is optional. Your quest is over, everyone can go home. Or...

**Hobbiton Ruins**

In Phillipsville, CA you might be able to find the ruins of Hobbiton. Saurumon did a number on it though. 

  * Phillipsville, CA - <https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/hobbiton-usa>



Driving Time: 14 hours over 844 miles

**The Ocean**

Head to the water and take a boat to somewhere nice if you feel like it. Or at least visit the ocean before returning to your 13 children.

[ https://www.sanfranciscocruises.com/ ](https://www.sanfranciscocruises.com/)

Driving Time: 4 hours over 213 hours

[Google Route](https://goo.gl/maps/XuvJtNM87Z4CxNVH7)

Driving Time: 17hrs over 1058 miles

So then the maximum trip lengths look like this. 

**For Pippin: 146 driving hours over 9236 miles.**

**For Aragorn and Company: 168 driving hours over 10556 miles.**

**For Merry: 148 driving hours over 9538 miles.**

**For Frodo and Sam: 141 driving hour over 8721 miles.**


End file.
